For as long as I can remember, I always did my best to make other people happy. I always wanted to make them proud. At the same time, I struggled to do anything “conventionally”.

I had just caused the biggest amount of scandal in my life by dropping out of university after only three months. I gave it a fair shot (I have the debts to prove it!) but it was not for me. I knew it wasn’t because I’m just not academically inclined. However, all my family wanted was to proudly declare their daughter had a Bachelors Degree so I went along with it for their sake.

To add insult to injury, I upped and left to live in Switzerland with my then boyfriend. I loved it. I was finally doing something I wanted to do. We lived in a beautiful apartment overlooking a lake under the alps. I spent my days writing, walking through the vines, swimming in the lake followed by sunbathing topless on the shore, drinking copious amounts of wine, and indulging in local pastries, cheeses and chocolates. I had turned my blogging hobby into an income and was also a dog-walker to fulfil the animal-shaped hole in my heart. It was bliss, everything was perfect.

However, I was met with constant criticism about my unconventional lifestyle. My family would constantly pepper me with questions about when I was going to get a real job or think about settling down. At one point, I was even called a “kept woman”. Over time it wore me down. I became so unhappy and frustrated with the lack of direction or accomplishments. I desperately wanted to change things but I had no idea what I wanted to even do because I was so afraid of failing and what other people would say. I wished I had the confidence to just say “fxck it!” and do what made me happy.